Departure. We leave the house at 9 a.m. and drive in silence to the airport. Quick farewell at the door. I go to the counter and wrestle with the machine rather discombobulated. Eventually, with the help of the telephone assistant and a second one I pass the exam.

Checking in: a nice elderly woman. Hands me back my ticket and smiles. She seems familiar. I look into her eyes and have a feeling she knows who I am, and what I was there for...

Last day. The same routine: exercises, 40 push-ups next to the bed. Take a short run, 50 push-ups next to the garage, and a walk around the block. I calculated: during the 10 weeks I walked 100 miles, biked another 100. I took part on 70 various programs, worship services, courses, exhibitions, concerts, meals and hikes. Last talk with Rose.

Thinking on communism: denial of rights and their psychological consequences.

Dinner with Julie and Randy. I talk about my experiences, especially about the Jung lecture. Explain the difference between the theory of Freud and Jung: libido as power and archetypes as ideals. We also talked about the peculiarities and difficulties of learning foreign languages: same word with different intonation => different meaning. Julie learns Chinese. She has a good example: "ma".

Julie drives me home. On our way I sum up the meaning of my trip. Every day had its own message. We talk about the Jungian principle of synchronicity, recalling few instances in his autobiography. Unexpected passing away of my father and my inheritance which made this trip possible.

I invite Don and Pat to my favourite place: the Elmer's. Last dinner. Summing up experiences. (I note: in Budapest they won't believe I stayed with them for free for 10 weeks.)

During the night we watch a documentary about the story of Jesus and Christianity on OPB.

I'm thinking on connection of religion and the psycho-philosophy of authority.

Morning exercises: good to be on the fresh air, good to be here. It is also reassuring that I attained what I had wished.

I packed. Bought a bag in Goodwill. $12.99 on the price tag, they gave it for $6.49. (Later on I checked: a new one is 80-100.)

Pat layed the table for dinner already at noon. She was already cooking at 2:30. I installed Skype on both computers and walked out to Lloyd Center. Strolled in the bookshop, souvenir shop, watched the skaters. Thought about the changes I went through since I've been here.

Meditated on connection between religion, sex and feelings of shame.

At dinner: Ingrid & Henry, John & Mary, Don & Pat, Michael & Susan. Two kinds of vegetarian food + salad. New recipe from the Net, Pat doesn't know its long name. (One of them seems to be mashed squash with grinded walnut and syrup on top.)

After dinner we watched on tv the pictures of all the hikes of the year. Don selected them from all our photos.

Goodbye to hikers.

Dream: I'm on the top floor of a high building. I wish to go out to the balcony, but the railing can be barely seen. I'm aware it is there, but still I can't see it clearly, so I do not trust it realy exists. I do not dare to go out and lean on it, so that I can take a look around. I'm afraid of the the deep abyss beyond. I sit down and try to reach out and feel the railing with my feet.

Before worship service I meet Marilyn. She told me about the Saturday lecture, in which there was mentioning about Unitarians in Transylvania. She was surprized on hearing that for them religion means ethnic identity. Yes, it is true, I say, it is the same as in the case of the early settlers in America. Their ethnic identity included religious denomination, too. The Amish are Germans, aren't they? Met Mark and Lil Hosman, talked about how things were going with my translation.

Worship service, Dr. Mark Morrison-Reed Minister in Residence: Christmas in 114th street.

I was meditating again on the mystery of death of God and the ars poetica of ministry. This teaching of mainstream Christianity had a power in America. And in fact all through Western history. From Apostle Paul to Nietzche; starting a new stage with Freud, followed with modern humanism. The UUA should realize it... I start to become a UU... This worship service was different. After 10 weeks an authoritarian church-image was replaced by a more democratic one, where intellectual approach is more likely to have a place.

After service: Randy and Julie introduce me to their daughter, she is home for holiday from New York. We agree on a last dinner. I thank Katie for receiving me as guest on the programs.

After church: lunch in a restaurant with Don & Pat, Henry & Ingrid. Mike will move over, Pat asks me to stay. At dinner: talk about rev. Mark, his intellectual culture (Washington, Chicago). They bring me a sandwich with toast, and sugar powder on it. We talk about the kids' iPhone craze. They text even under the table, without looking at the keyboard.

After lunch: Powell's. Bought two more Erich Fromm. I was reading: Patanjali, Vatsyayana... Three more days. Loitered in downtown, listened to the guitarist, with a feeling that I was part of that UU intellectual religious spirituality present all over the city.
Lately, I started reading Fromm (The Dogma of Christ). Here, it is different: you can feel the need. It is as if you studied engineering. They should introduce it in schools. In the past religious education had the same role. There are many denominational schools in Hungary, too. During the communist era psychology was a banned science in Romania. In a dictatorship neurotics are enemies of the system, because they are freedom fighters. On the main square young guys hand me a piece of paper: "GOD SAYS PLEASE DO NOT GO TO HELL".

Dinner: the last Hungarian sausage. Afterwards I went to Ross to buy something for our friends.

Dream: I'm on the top floor of a high falling building, see the scenery passing by the windows.

My meditations today: death of God (Nietzche) was the beginning of birth of reason, coincided with the birth of psychoanalysis (1900). An implicit contradiction in analysis: you are supposed to exist in present not in the past - only by being aware of this you can do effective analysis. Psychology seems a feminine science because it deals with emotions (sensuality). On the other hand the framework is given by the reality. This corresponds to the male principle of reason. To which the problem of relativity of reality is also added. History of religion is relationship of instinct and reality, implying the struggle for freedom from the matter. (Jung: from darkness to light.) The Self-ideal: God as Father means a patriarch; God as Mother a matriarch. Both imply oligarchy. Psychology implies democracy: a new stage in awareness.

Our childhood situations repeat themselves in adulthood. Religion: father/mother complex, science: adulthood. Its attainment implies struggle with the cultural system and integration of the opposite side (animus/anima). Freedom for man means realization of the male identity. Intergration of the father-ideal, identification.

During the night we had a dinner together with all the family. A big old restaurant. A chain in US, 40 years old. This is the headquarters. Waited for 45 minutes, until a Star Wars device in Don's hand started blinking.

After dinner: Aladdin Theater, a benefit concert for Friends of the Children: Trail Band. Christmas and other songs (classical, blues, pop, rock) and Scott Parker - as 'Harold'. I notice how much people need to laugh: here, in the church, wherever they can. The star of the show seems to be a guitarist virtuoso in bright red: Doug Fraser. He must be 70 but shows off as a 20. Church member, Don and Pat know him. Not this aspect of him, though...

Ideas popping up: the self-sacrificing God is the most important realization of Christianity. Unitarians dropped it with original sin, thus missing a main point: the psychological aspect, retaining the ideological oneness. Thus, unfortunately many identify religion with outward symbols, missing the dynamic content and the therapeutical role. And the real ars poetica of ministry. Same problem as in the time of Francis David.

Today I raked fallen leaves and cleaned around the house from 9:30 to 2:30. It was good. The weather was great. I was meditating on the idea: when one is ready to leave the nest, one doesn't look back anymore.

Last lunch with Lajos and Sharon in a Thai restaurant. The same vegetable soup: big pieces of cabbage and onion. And a huge spoon. I had a bite of Sharon's chicken. It was extremely spicey, I couldn't stop my running nose afterwards. At Lajos we had a long talk about his childhood memories, the story of their emigration and life in the US. Transylvanian and Hungarian political and religious problems. It was very good, I felt as if at home.

Hungarians in US gather each year in Ohio, around 150.

Today I read it through again the proposal corrections made by Don. After we talked, I left to buy some batteries. Strolled in the shops and thought about what we have been talking.

Here people are searching for wholeness, you can feel that. That's what matters in the opposite sex, too: the wholeness of personality. Freud was thinking in instinctive power, Jung in archetypes. The two are in a content-and-form-relationship. We use both in self-expression. The power is universal, yet it takes shape in sexes. This is moulded by our parents, and we imitate their role in our partnerships.

19 p.m. Dr. Mark Morrison-Reed: The Perversity of Embracing Diversity. Talk Given at General Assembly 2009. Enews: There is a surprising, and painful truth behind Unitarian Universalist efforts to become more diverse. This truth must begin with an honest look at who we are and why we are who we are, and it ends in a conundrum but not without hope. If Unitarian Universalists really want to change, accepting the truth is the only place to start. Torn between our reality and our aspirations what are we to do?

The UUA became more and more liberal during the decades, with more diverse membership. (6-7% of the ministers are LGBT.)

I was thinking as I walked toward home on the Freudian theory and religion as a psycho-sexual problem. It is unusually cold. Marilyn's pipes were frozen. Ours too. I saw her there on the lecture, and many more friends. Don and Pat try to fix the problem blowing hot air at the wall from the top of a ladder.

My time is approaching to its end. I think my mission have been accomplished. The Jung lecture was even more than I hoped for.

Topics of my meditations today: sexuality as realization of the instinctive power and its religious symbols. Science, father/mother complex and religion (Father God and Mother Church). Celibacy as an answer to the complex. Rituals and the reality. Wholeness: return to the basis of being. The process of evolution as re-connection (re-ligio). The "Unitarian world" realized in natural sciences and technology. Including: the mystery of the Holy Trinity: oneness in the Trinity meaning: oneness of the Self. They tied their horses to these rings. You can see them all over the town. In the background the sunlight is reflected on the Powell's.

For a few weeks I've been reading another book Pat gave me. Jon Krakauer: Into Thin Air. It is about climbing Mt. Everest. (For me this also seems to be a symbol.)

Tonight I've been invited to Ingrid and Henry for dinner. Chicken with rice and salad. Before dinner: discussion about religion, my experiences: Jung lecture. Next step: Freudian libido-theory and religion. It seems Henry became interested in HGP, he said he would like to attend their meetings. After dinner: an old western movie with John Wayne (a favourite of Henry's, too).

After we talked I took a bike ride to Fred Meyer's. This time I used my card. It worked, you need to check my account ($18).

I was writing and then took a walk in Lloyd Center. Did Christmas shoppings.

Worship service. Bell choir. Cathy Cartwright tells the story of John Murray, the first Universalist minister.

Dr. Mark Morrison-Reed tells about his own story, how he converted to the Universalist religion from Unitarianism: Dragged Kicking and Screaming into Heaven. Enews: Early in the 19th century Universalism swept across our young nation finding a popularity it never again achieved. Is it time for us to return to that message? God's love brooks no resistance. Why is there so much controversy on God? What is God? Mark's answer: the unknowable.

Meanwhile I'm thinking on the connection of Freudian libido theory and symbolism, psychology and theology.

From 3 p.m. recommended by the Humanists of Greater Portland: United Nations Conference: 61st anniversary of Declaration of Human Rights. International audience. Conference is opened by Gwen Barnard scientologist minister. Opening prayer: Gujzar Ahmed. Video: history of human rights. Lotus Dance: thai "princesses". Poster contest winner announcement.

Rights in Togo. Koffi Dessou, Executive Assistant, Office of Human Relations, City of Portland. He tells his life story in Togo. He has a heavy accent, I have a hard time understanding it. Boys from the neighbouring village came stalking their older sisters. He and his brother threw stones at them, and didn't understand why. His brother perished in a prison. He was sold as a slave. Became human rights fighter from business man. Accomplished to pass the law to punish the slave trade. He sums up the meaning of his life: you cannot forget the bad memories, but you can forgive by investing the pain in the work to prevent these things from happening to others.

Scott Bickford & Gary Lapado, John Lennon: Imagine.

7:30 p.m.: Reed College Kaul Auditorium: America Sings! Classical pieces and afro-american spirituals by American composers.

I was thinking on my experiences yesterday and the day before. Meaning of several dreams became obvious. As I was walking on the campus I recalled an old experience and realized the meaning of the dogma: before going to heaven Jesus Christ "alighted to hell" (self-integration). Understanding the psychological meaning of the dogma separates it from the historical person. Today I walked a lot. I calculated: I walk every day about 10-15 miles in average. Today it must have been even 20. I missed the bus, instead standing in the cold wind I ran about 6 stops. Enjoyed it.

Don corrected the proposal and sent it through. I adjusted it and sent him back again. They are out tonight. I made myself some waffles.

Saturday, from 9:30 to 2:30 workshop on dreams. I say hello to Pam who is at the reception table. Similar audience, I meet again the two therapists from the church. Take a seat next to a middle aged woman. She is also a therapist. She knows the UU, they are well known in the city. She gives me a chocolate.

(Next to us on a coach: 2 men and a woman. Diversity: one of the men sitting cross-legged, the other has his nails painted red, the woman is beyond 250 pounds.)

They distribute some papers: Exercise Manual and Orientational Priciples: Identify the setting; Identify the psychic dominant; Translate this function; Ground the image;, Develop the moral imperative; Prediction and correction; The Gradient; Mantras. Exercises: analyses of dreams.

The nature of symbols is important. Examples: Going to the beach to take a swim in the sea. A shark fin shows up. The sea is the subconscious, the shark's fin is a symbol of a life threatening danger. It warns me not to proceed. Snorkelling in shallow water. An octopus shows up, I become frightened. Meaning: the octopus is harmless, the water is shallow, I can proceed.

Pursuing: escape from myself. Weird landscape: I feel myself alien. The house is also a symbol of myself. (Jung's dream of a house with many storeys. Bones in the cellar - Freud's interpretation: "You wish to kill me". Jung's interpretation: the ancient basis of the personal psyche, the collective subconscious. On the other hand Freud was also right: Jung got rid of him as an authority.) Death of someone close: letting go of the identification. I'm not prepared for exam: I'm not ready for the next stage in life or analysis. Nakedness: clothes are my persona, I need to get rid of it.

The kundalini power rising on the 7 chakras means realization of stages of spiritual evolution, corresponding to the 7 planets of the solar system - the oneness of the psyche and cosmic reality. Mother complex: we spent too much time in the maternal protection. Getting rid of it is leaving material safety, a heroic step. Car: symbol of the ego: takes me from here to there. Pushing the break with no avail: I can't control the events. In the past the horse had the same role: understanding old symbols in literature. Flowing water: direction of the evolution.

Identifying the physical illnesses with spiritual problems is difficult: connecting the two levels is not easy. Recurring illnesses on the other hand could mean psychological problems. (Cancer could mean a superfluous ego.)

Moral: 1. Pick an image; 2. Define its function; 3. Apply it to yourself (grow and change); 4. Find the mythological parallels; 5. Identify it in the context of the present times and live accordingly.

At Portland State University with Joe. They discuss the topic of the treatise they will have to write. Teacher suggests one. Asks a student to read the Preface: the American nation is compared to a family with many members. She writes on the table: "FAMILY", "NATION". Asks students to name their associations. Compares the two ideas for half an hour.

I realize: for the Americans the multicultural society still means a challenge, and they are still looking for the answer for the oneness of the nation. (For us in Europe "nation" and "ethnicity" are synonims.)

It dawns on me: you have to reverse the problem, in order to realize its true nature. Question is not: how can the multitude become one, but: how is it possible that the one became so diverse? The oneness was before diversity in time. What happened, why did mankind start to use different set of symbols? Babel tower-complex. Here you are: philosophy of religion, linguistics and sociology blending and overlapping. (Cf. ideas like "God is the word." God is a set of words created by a culture. The theory of memes. Richard Dawkins and Saint John.)

End of course. I am sorry. I say goodbye to the alter ego of Sylvester Stallone, who recommends me books on the American Indian culture, and wishes me luck with my project. Nice guy. Reminds me of childhood friends in my village.

8:30 p.m. First United Methodist Church: Morgan Stebbins, M.Div. L.M.S.W.: Dreams of Fate; the Fate of Dreams. Lecture about Jung's dream theory. Big church, two pulpits, huge wooden cross in the background. For me: symbolic setting. Unexpected fulfillment of my dream. The lecturer has a degree in theology and studied zen-buddhism, too (his website).

Introduction: think of a childhood dream. An example: teenage girl dreams of a snake pursuing her in the wild woods, and then in the bedroom.

What is the dream? Symbol. The symbol is real - in a symbolic sense. You dream of loosing your money in the bank: do not rush to withdraw it. It means you are being on a process of self-detachment from your material belongings.

The subconscious is part of the reality and speaks with symbols. It saves you if you listen to it, and destroys you if you supress it. Unconscious content of the psyche is expressed in fate: living out the problem complex. (E.g. you chose the wrong partner from among 1000.)

Morgan compares Jung's theory with Freud's: Freud adheres dogmatically to the unilateral libido theory, Jung is open to other possible explanations. Ironic joke on Freudian theory: Therapist: "- Your problem is that you suppress your libido." "- No, I don't." "- You see..."--- Audience is laughing, I enjoy it: Freud was also right.

Explanation of the snake dream: the snake is an ancient symbol of the instinctive drive (or, the snake throwing its skin: the renewal). Importance of the setting: the wild wood, where untamed animals live. The bedroom also is a symbolic place of instinctive drive. Meaning is obvious. I notice Morgan's clever formulation from the church pulpit. (I notice also my enhanced intuitive abilities in understanding his examples.) After lecture: questions, the mic is carried around.

Walking home: football at PGE Park. I feel happy. Had a good run to the fareless area, and took MAX there.

I didn't join Pat this time for hike, had to do some work for the UPC. I've been home all morning and afternoon. We discussed the book with Don. He is positive it will be published. Suggested that I upload it to the internet too, and start a discussion on the topic. He agreed to mail the proposal.

During the night Camille picked me up and we had dinner in a pizza place. We had a good chat there, and continued it in the church. It was hard to say goodbye, but she will come to visit next year.

Meditation: An Open Heart - Living with Compassion. PROGRAM GUIDE: Living a compassionate life, "doing unto others as you would have them do unto you," is not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes our emotions or perceptions prevent us from experiencing "the golden rule". In the midst of suffering we lose patience, we just want to realize more happiness in our lives. This class explores ways to increase our compassion for ourselves and others. Through discussion, sharing experiences, and altering our perceptions we'll find our way to strengthened spiritual practices. Facilitator: Jim Andrews és Susan Cunningham - are both First Chrch members who serve on the Adult Programs Committee.

Surprize: Susan is one of our hiking partners - only in a different attire! On my way home Ingrid and Henry picked me up. Invited me for a dinner and movie.

Pam sent an e-mail: asked the Oregon Friends of Jung to let me participate on workshop for free. They will! Good news, I am very glad! This is a special opportunity ($85!). Pam forwards me the e-mail.

Hi Everyone, I talked with Carol today about inviting a visiting Hungarian translator to our board dinner. He is staying with friends of mine working on translating the first Unitarian written text from old Hungarian to English. Anyway at dinners I discovered he is very interested in and informed about Jung's work. When I invited him to the lecture/workshop he became very excited that it was open to the public (I guess not true in Hungary) and said this was the one thing he had wanted to accomplish before leaving next week... to meet with people involved with Jungian psychology. Carol said there was not room at the dinner (I thought he could meet with people much more informed than I am) but asked if he was coming to the workshop too. I don't think he can afford the cost so she suggested I float an email to see if we could offer a freebie this one time. Let me know what you all think. He is a very engaging man and talking with him has made me even more aware of how enormously fortunate we in Portland are to have OFJ. Thanks, Pamela

Morning: matter and spirit, reason and instinct, money and sex. The two principles making up the wholeness. And mixing.

I read again Don's corrections, added some more. I decided to leave the book proposal here and ask him to mail it for me to Beacon Press. Things start to take shape. I was meditating on the taboo-nature of the theological science. Relationship of authority and ignorance.

At the PSU again. Two young female students perched yoga-style on the top of the table. Teacher in the opposite end of the room, and the rest of the people around, the all of us making a circle. Frederick Douglas and Abraham Lincoln on slavehood. A leasure discussion, everyone adds his, or her own insight, and compares them with the great thinker's. Teacher asks questions, points out interesting contradictions. I admire the relaxed and civilized manner of the discourse. (Just like the traffic.) And still, everything is running according to schedule.

I compare it with my past experiences: studies with analysis of reality vs. denial of it. I discover the ability to follow the context in the line of arguments.

Lincoln opposed the introduction of the slavehood in the new states. We had a lentil soup with Joe after class and he pointed me out those states on a map he drew upside down on a piece of paper between our plates. We recalled Huckleberry Finn and Uncle Tom's Cabin, featuring runaway slaves.

The weather is clear but rather cool. I stepped off MAX at the market to take a walk. Meditation: realizing the human being behind the authority means releasing love of its captivity.

During dinner I had an interesting talk with Pam, who is member of Oregon Friends of Jung. She is reading Memories, Dreams and Recollections. We recalled interesting and funny episodes (giggled on the case of the "fallen turd"). She recommended me a lecture on Friday: Dreams of Fate, the Fate of Dreams, given by an analyst from New York. It will be followed by a workshop Saturday. I am very glad to hear that, the very opportunity I hoped for. The lecture is $12, I will definitely go.

During dinner I discover: sticking to facts is the best way of having an enjoyable conversation. Chatting doesn't necesarrily mean talking on incoherent trivialities.

Today is about discovering reason.

I took a walk on Broadway to the South. Thinking on differences between man and woman. Attachment to material things. Problem-complex of attachment and detachment. Feminine sensuality and attachment. Male intellect and detachment. Self-sacrifice and self-destruction. Male spirituality and the process of reformation: self-distinguishment and self-integration. Female spirituality, and materialness: anya-anyag (Hungarian), mater-materia (Latin), mother-matter. The reason of the ancient belief: the woman has no soul. And: "man is the head of woman" (Francis David). The role of feminine principle, reproduction of life, and the masculine principle: evolution. The freedom of evolution, basic need of spiritual equilibrium. Male identity and mother-complex. I conclude: the essence of the male identity is realized in awareness (distinguishment), the female in sensuality (identification). Both mean the connection of reality and instinct. I've been here for 8 weeks now.

I bought a bread, a cake and two Snickers. I decided not to attend Returning to Ritual. This idea sounds exactly the opposite of Francis David's, anyway...

I read it through what Don revised. He also added questions to the Overview of the book. Good questions: I need to explain the Trinity in order to be able to explain what Francis David's problem was with this idea. Now, the psychological nature and meaning of the Christian dogma is more obvious.

After 5 I had two hot dog sausages and took a walk toward Lloyd Center. Man needs wholeness. This need is a fact. I entered the bookshop. Lots of books, good to linger among the shelves. Wholeness is being realized in sensuality. This also means detachement from the authorities: from the projections. The individual wholeness means also the universal wholeness, disappearance of cultural isolations. Integration of instinctive power, i.e. of the Self. This is how the Jungian process of "individuation" is being realized. The "natural mind". This way everything makes sense. Psychoanalysis and religion meets here.

Don prepared some Mexican food. Asked me if I wanted to join. It was extremely spicey, I gulped down the cool water to quench the fire. We had icecream afterwards with strawberry jam on top. I had to wipe my nose often. Don told me a story: Once in a camp Yugoslavian and Finnish children were having dinner together. All of the Finns had running noses and none of the Yugoslavians. This also proves we are relatives, concludes Don.

During the night I took a walk, and took some pictures for you of these houses with the Christmas lights on them. America is the place where due to the freedom of all ethnic cultures the connection between the Super Ego and the Instinctive Self is more intimate. This is why relationship of man and woman seems also different, and the status of religion, too. This kind of intimacy makes religion a common topic.