UU Portland Leadership Retreat. PROGRAM GUIDE:

Religious Leadership in a Time of Transition. As First Church moves through its most important institutional transition in nearly twenty years, everyone will agree that effective leadership is critical. Do we have a shared understanting of this often-invoked value? Is a leader someone unusually accomplished in the work at hand, or are the qualities necessary for excellenet leadership distinct from job competence per se? If religious leadership is different from what the world at large means by leadership, what is the essence of the difference? Incumbent and aspiring church leaders are invited to an exploration of this exxential ingredient in the life of our spiritual community. Facilitators: Rev. Preston Moore - is a First Church Minister in Residence. Katie Radditz - is the Director of Adult Programs for First Church.

About 5 round tables, with about 35 people. We introduce ourselves, most of the people brought some kind of an object. I brought myself, as guest from the partner church. Lecture of Rev. Preston Moore. Writing questions and answers: what is important in the case of a leader.

Afterwards exercise. We are distributed papers: description of three cases. We have to imagine ourselves in the role of a leader, who has to bring decision.

It was an interesting experience. I had an idea what the leadership of a UU church was like, how they handled some issues. Now I understood why they said UUs liked to discuss, debate, and also realized how interested they were in psychological issues. Priority in one of the exercises didn't seem to have dying Martha but her pessimistic leader, whose likely death-complex they thought needed urgent treatment.

This was indeed a good day. I appreciated Preston's opinion: small groups are important, where new members can share their problems and they can be discussed, thus facilitating their integration into the community.

Afterwards I had a long walk in SE Portland. Checked out Next Adventure, recommended by John. Indeed, there are two kinds of socks: "perfect" and "slightly imperfect" ones. Perfect ones are $10-12, slightly imperfect ones: $7-8.

Halloween. Pumpkins all over the city, people in funny and morbid costumes. Homes clad in lamps. During the night kids came to ask for candies like during Easter in Transylvania. Lajos is advancing with the revision of my translation. We agreed that I would have to write a commentary. And an article about my stay.

I send a few pictures of our hike today. We walked the same trail as we did with Camille 4 years ago (Multnomah Falls). John's wife used to be also a therapist, and worked with hypnosis. To our amusement he exclaimed that in his opinion hypnosis could be used for more useful purposes. We were wondering what he was thinking of, but eventually didn't find out.

Lunch at the foot of Multnomah falls. I had French onion soup. John asked me about my humanist principles. He thought of himself as an atheist. I explained the difference.

Tonight Patrick picked me up. He showed up with a pumpkin on the top of his head. Halloween gait. On our way we picked up his girlfriend, Sarah. At the potluck party of the Vancouver Church: pizza and juice. Adults, children, most of them in some kind of costume or funny Halloween accessories. There was a book sale, there, too. Dance in the room which actually is the sanctuary. Caller: Mary Devlin. Contra-dance is an Irish dance with French court dance elements. It took shape in the 1700's on the colonies. First we are shown the steps and correography, then the costumed ensemble starts playing the tune. We had four dances, then cookies, refreshments, and eventually an English waltz.

Today hike with Joe and Maryann. We went as far as the zoo, and followed a trail about 4 miles (4T trail) until a big hospital (OSHU), then we took that cabin and rode down with it. Had dinner at McMenamin's. We talked about humanism, Ferenc Balázs, the only Hungarian humanist minister (1900-1937). Went up to Maryann's flat, I set up the Skype for her.

Dinner at home with Pamela, a colleague of Pat. It turned out that she also used to be a therapist for many years and is a member of the Oregon Friends of Jung. They have a lecture every month. This is the very organization I sent my e-mail to, and didn't have an answer. Pam promised to let me know when they would have their next program.

Patrick invited me for the next weekend. They have a cabin somewhere on the Mount Hood. As I understood we are going to spend two nights there. I have to cancel football with Don.

Today I had a long bike tour. I went as far as the bridge crossing over to Vancouver. Turned around, crossed Broadway Bridge, rode around downtown, crossed Burnside Bridge, rode up and down the streets on the SE, eventually emerging at Lloyd Center. This must have been about 30 miles or so. After supper I went out for a walk until 8:30, and then we watched an interesting documentary on TV about a large family in Turkey, several members with serious psychological handicaps (handwalkers).

Patrick wrote an e-mail, he invited me to the Friday night contradance lesson at 6 p.m. at the Vancouver Church. He told me their congregation is not so traditional like the First UU in Portland. They are closer to Buddhism than to Christianity. He sent me the address of the website, here you can see him as the Music Director.

Bike ride as far as Columbia Boulevard. Dark clouds are gathering, thunder rips through the air, I turn back. Starts raining, I find shelter under a tree. An old homeless-looking guy with a bike joins and we endure the hail together. It stops, I leave the tree, it starts raining again, I linger for a while under the roof of a bus stop.

Before worship service: coffe hour. I talk to friends and meet Patrick. He is the music director at the Vancouver Church now.

Sermon: Rev. Preston Moore Minister in Residence: The Spiritual Crisis Everyone Calls a Financial One Enews: America's financial woes are not a matter of illiquidity, hyper-leveraging, or ill-considered deregulation. At bottom, they aren't even financial. As we approach the first anniversary of the stock market implosion, our leaders continue to skate across the surface of the problem. We need to look deeper. When will the churches begin to show leadership in addressing the spiritual crisis underlying the financial one?

Preston used to be a lawyer. His sermon includes a detailed financial analysis.

3 p.m.: organized by The Humanists of Greater Portland, Portland Hollywood Theatre: In the Shadow of the Temple, premier. Quote from the website:

The film documents the struggles of people who leave the Mormon church and the price they pay in their personal lives. This is not just a Mormon story. Any society, organization or system of belief that restricts freedom of thought and action exacts a toll on the human spirit. What price would you be willing to pay to have the freedom to say, “This is what I believe, this is how I want to live.”?

Room 3/4 full. First there is a historical introduction about Joseph Smith, his many wives and his Church, followed by interviews, personal stories. Sagas, dramas, disillusionments, inner conflicts. People tell about the price of belonging to the community, how the church limited their freedom. The struggles they had, and how they came to realize that the Church was "not true", and how difficult it was for them to leave it. "It was as if I had thrown myself in the Grand Canyon." - says a man. "But as I was falling I realized I had wings."

Afterwards the producer told about the story of the idea of the film, the hurdles they had to cope with in choosing the people and making the interviews. He answered questions. (It turned out there were many ex-momons in the theater, some who were still church members, and some who had a mormon partner and had difficulties.)

People's favourite line was the one told by an Afro-American woman, divorced from her husband: "I thought I was more for him than a mormon." The documentary featured a couple. The woman left the church while her husband remained a member. "Sometimes I feel I lie down with Joseph Smith" she says. Nevertheless they hang on to each other. The movie ends with him saying: "I believe over there we'll realize that we were all wrong..."

We continue the course next day. I notice the way Nancy answers personal questions. The woman of yesterday asked: "From where am I supposed to start my new life?" Answer: "From where you are right now." (I register the answer for myself.)

We are listening to music, make a drawing with the story of our life, explain it to our chosen partner. Which were the high and the low points, how could we deal with the difficult times? My partner is Helen.

We stand in a circle, Nancy pulls from her suitcase a small monkey. She explains the rules. Everyone chooses a different person as partner. We are to look into her eyes, call her name and throw the thing. It goes around, and again. After the second round Nancy pulls out another piece, and yet another and another. Monkies, frogs, dinos and the kind fly in the air while we work hard catching and passing them on. Having fun. A good refreshing game.

In the end of the course everyone tells about her experiences.

This course was very good! Actually, I realized, its goal was the main issue of my own trip. Nancy is very nice. I told her sometimes I understood only half of what was going on. She reassured me she didn't notice. She started her monkey-throwing on me. Although I've been a guest, I felt part of the group.

Friday night. PROGRAM GUIDE:

Mindful Transitions: Cultivating Compassion during Times of Change. Psychologist and mindfulness meditation teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn defines "mindfulness" as "... paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally." Join us for a workshop on meeting life transitions with intention and compassion. Learn about the stages of transition, ways to cultivate compassion, and how mindfulness can enrich the transition experience. Facilitator: Nancy Olson - is a Life Coach and group facilitator and past First Church administrator. Details: Friday: Oct. 23, 7-9 p.m. and Saturday: Oct. 24, 9.am. - 3:30 p.m.; B102 Fee: Pledging $35 / Non-pledging: $50

Same room, same setting. We were about 12 persons. Some are already familiar from the previous course. Most of them elderly and middle aged women. We introduce ourselves and place on the "altar" the object which represents compassion for ourselves. I didn't bring anything, because compassion for me is a spiritual issue. (Note: let me add again: F.D.) We enumerate associations connected to compassion. Nancy writes them on the board. We discuss it. Create small groups of 3. One of us is a nice woman, it turned out she never had a partner. I was wondering why. She wondered why I wondered.

Hike to Opal Creek with Pat and Ingrid. Waterfalls, crystal-clear pools, abandoned gold mines. On our way we talked about therapies. Ingrid told me about her life. She came from Germany, practiced therapy in New York, applying a version of William Glasser's theory. She told me about some details (What are you going to do about it?), the financial aspects of the therapies. (Later on she gave me two books: Hannah Arendt: The Human Condition; Albert Ellis, Catharine MacLaren: Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.) I told her about my experiences on the course.

On our way back we had a pie and a tea in a restaurant.

Dinner with Ingrid and Henry. Vegetarian food: a kind of a spaghetti, boiled mushrooms and salad with bread.

Gardening around the house, cleaning the bike. I went to find out where Hollywood theater was. After lunch had a bike ride, and again gardening. Don read my book proposal. He made 20 pages out of my 3 ones, according to the template he downloaded from the Net.

Csaba offers that the Unitarian Congregation of the Danube-Tisza Dispersion will finance the Hungarian version of Francis David's work: "I'm afraid I'm one of those who do not know Francis David. I'm going to make up for it now." He takes me on the list of those who are for the fusion of the Hungarian Church.

Got on the bike and found the place where the humanists have their meetings (Thurman/SW 26th - Friendly House). Took a tour of downtown. On a soccer field small kids were playing a game, on another one American football, and yet on another one womens' soccer. Spent a few minutes watching them. From there drove down on Salmon Street all the way to the fountain, turned left, crossed Broadway Bridge, turned South, drove until the beginning of a bike trail, where I turned back. Don and Pat were already home. I installed the new mirror for the bike Don gave me. (He mounted a lamp too.) Dinner: scrambled eggs with grated potatoes and quadrangular buns with butter.

I wrote to the humanists and Oregon Friends of Jung to the addresses I found on the websites. Asked them if I could attend some of their meetings. Reply from Dave DiNucci:

Arpad, Thank you very much for your interest! You are very welcome to attend any or all of our programs with no charge. (If you feel like making a donation, there is a basket, or "salad bowl", to accept it, but it is not at all mandatory.) I am not familiar with the Church of Religious Humanism, but now that I look at it on the web, it is somewhat different from our approach. Terms like "God", "faith", and "church" are not commonly used here, but I assume that the basic principles (as expressed in the Humanist Manifesto), are similar in both, and based firmly in reality. We look forward to your visits, Dave.

In the church. Before worship service coffe hour. I met with Paul. He told me he planned to create a coat of arms of the Hungarian Church and to take part on a next trip to Hungary in the spring with Cecilia. Camille took part on a meeting. I greeted Marilyn Harlin.

Sermon: Rev. Preston Moore Minister in Residence: What's Justice Got to Do With It? Enews: What is the place of justice in our firmament of spiritual values? Does justice mean the same thing to a religious person that it means to everyone else? Come consider the difference it makes when justice gets religion.


12:45 Downtown UU History Tour. PROGRAM GUIDE: This fun and informative walking tour will cover our church's history from our pioneer beginnings in 1866 to the present. We'll start the tour in and around our church buildings, stroll through the Park Blocks and into Downtown to visit sites important to our church's story. You'll learn about our early leaders and important milestones in our long history here in Portland. This tour is wheelchair accessible and is held rain or shine. Facilitator: Kate Brickey - is a First Church member and a long-time volunteer with Urban Tour Group.

8 persons took part in this program. Maryann was there too, as a "steward". I was talking to her before the program started. A woman asked me in Hungarian: "Hogy vagy?" (How are you?), and counted to ten. We visited the sanctuary. Kate explained the symbolism of the decorations, the history of the organ. Then we walked over to the old sanctuary and stopped at the pictures of ministers, where she told their brief story, work and importance in the community's life. Most famous is the first one: T.S. Eliot. He initiated and contributed to the founding of numerous institutions (library, college) and buildings. Afterwards we took a walk around the church. From her suitcase Kate took out drawings, plans, pictures. On one of them the inscription on the spire decoration reads: "Man goeth where the wind bloeth." We took a walk around downtown.

On my way home on the MAX I was sitting by a young guy. He was talking to me all the way. He wished to be a writer and explained what he thought the ideal novelist should be like. When I left him he thanked me for listening.

PROGRAM GUIDE:

Lil Hosman: Choosing Your Way
This one-day workshop will introduce you to the ideas of William Glasser and his work in Reality Therapy. Choice Theory will provide a method for: understanding why we behave the way we do; planning with others in a way that allows all involved to get their needs met; understanding why we insist on repeating non-productive patterns in our lives; and teaching ways to communicate with others, without putting them on the defensive. Plan to have fun while you participate in a variety of learning activities, get connected with others in First Church, learn about yourself, and walk away with usable communication tools. (Bring a sack luch.)

Facilitator: Lil Hosman - is a First Church member and faculty member of the William Glasser Institute who has taught and trained internationally with schools, social services and mental health organizations. Details: One Saturday: Oct. 17; 9 a.m. - 3 p.m.; B102. Fee: Pledging $35 / Non-pledging: $45

Room B102 is on the ground floor of the new building (Buchan Building). Chairs in a circle, writing board, tea, coffe, cookies. We are 13 people, including two therapists, too. Friends arrive: Linda and Ralph, I am glad to see them.

We introduce ourselves and the object which we brought to represent ourselves. I brought nothing because for me symbols are those things we hide behind (let me add: in accordance with Francis David's theory). Lil Hosman explains the Reality Therapy of William Glasser. She reads a poem by Portia Nelson: Autobiography in Five Chapters. She asks questions, writes our answers on the board and then makes conclusions. We are to make a drawing of our life story. Lil uses coloured pieces of cloths with inscriptions symbolizing main ideas of William Glasser's theory, and she places them on the floor, thus reconstructing relationship of the individual and environment. The method has a main point: you are to ask the right questions and refrain to suggest solutions. The patient has to find them himself. Most important question: "And what are you going to do about it?"

During the break we went out for a walk in pairs to have a talk about ourselves. We had to listen and then tell our story. I told my partner about the Hungarian Unitarianism and my project.

Afterwards: exercise. We chose partners and became therapists and patients. First, I was supposed to play the part of a 14-year-old under the overwhelming influence of his mother, and a small elderly lady was my therapist (later on I met her again on several occasions). Then I was supposed to ask my 60-years-old overweight patient how many pounds he wanted to loose. Instead of that I'm afraid I started psychoanalysing the poor guy, anyway, I took a great pleasure in immersing myself in the mysteries of my partner's imagined problems.

Afterwards Lil had a personal therapy discussion with Ralph and with one of the therapists so that we could have an idea what the theory looked like in practice when applied to a real case.

This is the first time I took part in a therapy course. In the end I said goodbye and thanked Lil for receiving me as a guest.

I could sleep until about 6 and read until 8:30. Went out to the beach but turned back. It was raining. We went again to make a telephone call to you. I read, wrote some e-mails to you and Joe Ben-David. Camille vacuum-cleaned the house, packed up. On our way I invited her for another great hamburger in that old pub.

I had a good night rest. Woke up twice but went back to sleep instantly, until after 5. I was reading the autobiography of an eskimo given to me by Pat (William L. Iggiagruk Hensley: Fifty Miles from Tomorrow: A Memoir of Alaska and the Real People). When Camille woke up I went out for another walk.

I asked her if there was a telephone booth nearby. She took me to a small town. These American villages are so much different than the European ones! We entered a big shop where you could find all kinds of tools, fishing implements, old style stoves, fridges, and so on.

On our way back Camille dropped me on the beach 3 miles from home. I had a good walk. There was a light drizzle, I saw two seal carcasses. At one place I found myself surrounded by the ocean. I had to run backwards a long way to escape from the trap. Enjoyed walking.

Camille is making necklaces with a kit. There's a huge magnifying glass, set up as a microscope, and she works underneath. I was reading newspapers and magazines about the recently published Red Book of Jung (and a police report about two stray donkeys "making asses of themselves" on the highway). Camille mixed some cucumber for soup. I prepared some waffles.

After lunch we drove to the end of the peninsula and saw the oldest settlement, Oysterville. It was founded in 1854, I saw a house built in 1863. We visited a cute old wooden church. Men were separated from women with a plank in the middle. The walls were also of plain wooden boards. There was a community hall there in the village, which used to be a school. From the distance it looked like a barn with windows. It was locked, we peeked through the door. Camille told me this place used to be the county seat. During an election a few horsemen from the neighbouring village rode in and simply stole the records.

We drove as far as the farthest end of the peninsula. It was low tide, lots of sea-weed, and thousands of birds. Two guys passed us with buckets and some kind of tools, and walked into the ocean. They waded and waded in the quiet waist-deep water, until they got smaller and smaller in the distance. There are many oyster-farms there, you can see lots of heaps of shattered oyster shells. They use it for the road pavements.

We came back and I went out to the beach. Walked from 5:30 to 6:30. On my way back, among the bushes I saw the largest mushroom I have ever seen. Supper: baked potatoes, chicken breast and vegetables. Discussion topic: church and man-woman relationship. We saw a bloody movie: Robin Hood, with Kevin Costner.

Driving toward Long Beach with Camille. On our way there she told me that several people were interested in the book, Tom, too. They said it would have a larger public than the Unitarian one. They asked Camille if I wanted to have a book presentation. I told her, only when it would be published.

It was raining all the way, but it cleared and started shining as we approached. We got out midway close to the ocean shore, and walked along a high wooden walk-way above the grassy dunes. We saw a whale carcass by the walk in memory of Lewis and Clark who found a dead whale nearby. Camille bought a newspaper in a shop. We talked about old skits (Laurel and Hardy).

In Astoria we shared a hamburger in an old sailor pub. It was the best meal I ever had in the US so far, and a glass of beer, too. Camille introduced me to the waitress, telling her I was from Hungary. The woman: "I thought he was from somewhere." Camille told me about the history of the pub. There was a trapdoor somewhere in the floor, the drunken guys were dropped in the cellar from where they were loaded onto ships. Next morning they woke up heading to China. "They got shanghaied."

We crossed that long beautiful bridge over Columbia river to Washington state. After we arrived, first thing, I went out to the beach. Camille accompanied me just as far as the end of dunes, to make sure I would recognize the sign to find my way back. Her hip hurts, cannot walk on the sand. She plans to have a surgery next November. I took a long walk and came back, then went out again after a half an hour to take some pictures for you before the sunset.

During the evening I showed the book to Camille, too.

Pat took me to Columbia Sportswear (Sellwood Outlet). I bought a rain jacket for $49.90. My new debit card worked. Please, check my account.

We have been to the church, met several friends (Dana, Maryann). Pat introduced me to Katie Raditz (Program Guide Editor and Director of Adult Programs). She told me I could take part for free in all the programs and courses as a guest. She gave me another Program Guide and recommended me several programs.

During the worship service I was introduced and there was a fire drill. The siren sounded and with the leadership of Tom the congregation marched out to the street and after a few minutes back again. Prelude: Handel Sonata no. 1. for Flute and Piano. Hymn #1024, Mark Slegers is directing the music: When the Spirit Says Do.

Sermon: Rev. Tom Disrud: The Rage Without Met by the Wings Within. Electronic Newsletter: The title is a phrase from William Stafford's poem "In Response to a Question." How do we best respond to a world of brokenness and suffering? How is it we meet the challenges of our days?

Don took me to lunch. We agreed to send the translation to Beacon Press. After lunch Symphony: The Great Gershwin. Jon Nakamatsu, pianist and Doug LaBrecque, vocalist. Conductor: Jeff Tyzik.

I Got Rhythm, Embraceable You, They Can't Take That Away From Me, An American in Paris, Catfish Row, Fascinatin' Rhythm, Our Love Is Here To Stay, Swanee, Rhapsody in Blue.

Dinner at Don and Pat's daughter. Their grandson had his 18th birthday party.

Patricia gives me the Program Guide of the Church for the fall season. On the cover a quote: And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nir

Dinner with Lajos Éltető and Susan. We uploaded the translations. I've been introduced to their son, Bandi, who helped move a piano. (Lajos gave it to a family who couldn't afford to buy one.)

From nine a.m. hike to Eagle Creek with Patricia, Ingrid and Henry, Michael and Susan. In the creek large dying salmons. As we were walking along the path I talked to Henry, who used to be an English teacher, and lived in the largest cities of the world (New York, London, Paris). He was interested in my translation, asked me to send it over when it would be revised, and offered his help, too. While driving back I tried to explain to him my concept on applying the modern psychological theory of the self on religion.

(During the night I chat with Tibi in Romania, Peter in Hungary, and do dozens of push-ups.)

I accomodate myself, connect the laptop to the wireless network. Check my e-mails and do my work for the cable tv. Go and take a few walks in the neighborhood.

Tonight, after dinner I showed my translation to Pat and Don. He looked up for the address, templates and submission guidelines of several publishing companies on the net, and offered his help in preparing the book proposal. I tried to explain to Pat some of the ideas of Francis David, the historical background in which they took shape. Also, tried to explain my psychoanalytic understanding of the idioms "Father" and "Jesus Christ" in Francis' work: the authority we inherited from our parents, and our relationship to it.

Arrival to the Portland airport. Randy comes to pick me up. We arrive at Pat and Don's home at 9:30 p.m. My hosts are away on a trip at Crater Lake.